ON HAPPINESS – NURTURE THE RIGHT MINDSET
Happiness has often been
described as a state of mind: “The mind
is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”
[1] In my 50+ years of walking this earth, I have found that some people are
naturally inclined to be happy in any circumstance. Their genetic code, as it
were, is wired towards ‘positive thinking.’ Being happy comes easy to them,
much to the envy of their depressed fellow beings.
So does this mean that ‘either
you have it or you don’t;’ and nothing can be done about it? Once again
experience reveals that this is not so; being happy is a habit that can be
cultivated.
And how do habits come about?
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
So the first task is to watch
your thoughts: are they negative, accusative, repetitive, detrimental, judgmental,
procrastinating, and the like? If yes, the choice of words would be in the same
vein. Such persons will be found making statements like:
What
is there in life to be happy about?
Life
is serious business, why do you laugh?
There
is virtue in sobriety.
And the actions that follow take
the same hue: stern, abstemious, ascetic, grim, staid, and so on.
Repeated actions make for habits;
and a bunch of habits define the person’s character. And who is to say if
character makes destiny or vice versa?
So to come back to where we
started: how to nurture a happy frame of
mind?
Begin with watching your
thoughts. If a negative mind set has been entrenched, start with making the
effort to notice the good, happy, beautiful things in life. It can be as simple
as the beautiful sunrise or chirping of birds at dawn or the unsullied green of
budding leaves on a tree or the light breeze that caresses your cheek or the
tune of a long forgotten but once loved song or a happy memory…………The list
could be endless; but initially it’s an effort to notice such things as there
is so much in life that we take for granted; and what begins as an effort, soon
becomes a happy habit [2]:
“Look for the stars; you’ll say that there are none;
Look up a second time, and, one by one,
You mark them twinkling out with silvery light,
And wonder how they could elude the sight!”
If simply noticing is too
transitory for you, pen down these things. And it will come as a surprise that
the list keeps growing – and a happiness-inspiring object or event once noticed
will remain in your conscious mind always after that. For instance, once I become
aware of a pair of bluebirds that had made a home in the banks of the ditch
across my balcony, I could not ignore them; and it soon became a routine to
watch out for them. The leap of heart that followed each time I saw them come
and go about their daily lives remains with me even after three decades of the
event and serves as a mood elevator in times of despondency. But more about
that later…….
We were at the point where making
a list of things that touch you or make you happy or simply brighten your day
begins with being a cumbersome, focused, high energy activity but becomes
second nature with the passage of time. What does this achieve? Two things:
One – that
you begin to see all that is right around you [and there is so much of that:
health, family, enough money to live by, a job, a home, conveniences……each one of
us will have some of these things, if not all, and then the seemingly
meaningless things I listed earlier like the beautiful sunrise or chirping of
birds at dawn or the unsullied green of budding leaves on a tree or the light
breeze that caresses your cheek or the tune of a long forgotten but once loved
song or a happy memory…….]
Two – that
having begun the habit of noticing the good things around you makes you happy
and grateful and brings a spring to your step. “My heart leaps up when I behold
a rainbow in the sky.” It creates a positive mind set and makes you more
receptive to change. And change after all is life: what goes up must come down and what goes down must come up.
The ability to be happy is the
best tool granted to us to weather the bad times and moderate the good times.
There are those that even this minute are going through crises of different
sorts: life threatening disease, divorce, loss of a loved one, and the scores
of evil that have hit us all in this economic downturn. Is it all right to be
happy at such times?
Time they say is a great healer
and the way this works is that Time puts a distance between us and the
distressing event; this distance helps us develop the psyche to take things in
the right perspective. That is how Time Heals; the pain remains but one learns
how to handle it. The point to ponder is how does one behave in the interim period?
Does it help to keep crying, to be negative, and to become a cynic and so on?
Or is it better to let the bruised mind rest on these gentle aspects of nature
and art and positive mindfulness and cultivate a mindset that embraces tolerance
and forgiveness for self and others? Poets have often exhorted us to move on
[3]:
“That though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken
from my sight.
Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory
in the flower.
We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind.”
And in the much celebrated “Daffodils” [4]:
I WANDER’D lonely as a
cloud that floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a
crowd, a host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath
the trees, fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars
that shine and twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretch’d in
never-ending line along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a
glance, tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them
danced; but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be
gay, in such a jocund company:
I gazed – and gazed – but
little thought what wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my
couch I lie in vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that
inward eye which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with
pleasure fills, and dances with the daffodils.
Now do you see what I am getting
at with making that list? As you gather each pearl, the wealth that this
creates within you will act as the bliss of solitude and a balm for troubled
days and ship you across the stormy waters of life with serenity and poise.
Each time the negatives pull, flashback to a happy image or happier times. You
will feel the emotion rush with the same intensity; let the flood of serotonin
wash away the negativity.
John Maxwell’s maxim that ‘Life
is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it’ puts the ball, so to
speak, squarely in our own court. We have to take responsibility for how we live life;
things that are out of our control will happen all the time. But what tilts the
scale is what we choose to make of these. Should we drown in them or should we
keep afloat with hope till the tide turns?
In choosing the latter, the small
things of life matter the most. The minutes or seconds spent in quiet and peace
and feeling good will ‘…fill the present day with joy, and overspread the
future years with hope.’ [5]
Cultivating the habit of noticing
the things that are right with God’s world will change your thinking ®
your
words ®
your actions ®
your habits ®
your character ®
and then who knows, maybe your
destiny?
Life as they say is the result of
the choices we make…….choose to make the right choice…from today. Choose to be
happy, no matter what; notice the li’l things and treasure them forever.
Consciously develop an attitude of gratitude. Be Happy!!!
-- Neeta Seth
References:
1.
John Milton, Paradise
Regained
2.
William Wordsworth
3.
William Wordsworth, Ode on Intimations of Immortality
4.
William Wordsworth (1804)
5.
William Wordsworth
