On Happiness

ON HAPPINESS – NURTURE THE RIGHT MINDSET

---

Happiness has often been described as a state of mind: “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” [1] In my 50+ years of walking this earth, I have found that some people are naturally inclined to be happy in any circumstance. Their genetic code, as it were, is wired towards ‘positive thinking.’ Being happy comes easy to them, much to the envy of their depressed fellow beings.

So does this mean that ‘either you have it or you don’t;’ and nothing can be done about it? Once again experience reveals that this is not so; being happy is a habit that can be cultivated.

And how do habits come about?

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits.

Watch your habits, for they become character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

So the first task is to watch your thoughts: are they negative, accusative, repetitive, detrimental, judgmental, procrastinating, and the like? If yes, the choice of words would be in the same vein. Such persons will be found making statements like:

What is there in life to be happy about?

Life is serious business, why do you laugh?

There is virtue in sobriety.

And the actions that follow take the same hue: stern, abstemious, ascetic, grim, staid, and so on.

Repeated actions make for habits; and a bunch of habits define the person’s character. And who is to say if character makes destiny or vice versa?

So to come back to where we started: how to nurture a happy frame of mind?

Begin with watching your thoughts. If a negative mind set has been entrenched, start with making the effort to notice the good, happy, beautiful things in life. It can be as simple as the beautiful sunrise or chirping of birds at dawn or the unsullied green of budding leaves on a tree or the light breeze that caresses your cheek or the tune of a long forgotten but once loved song or a happy memory…………The list could be endless; but initially it’s an effort to notice such things as there is so much in life that we take for granted; and what begins as an effort, soon becomes a happy habit [2]:

“Look for the stars; you’ll say that there are none;

Look up a second time, and, one by one,

You mark them twinkling out with silvery light,

And wonder how they could elude the sight!”

If simply noticing is too transitory for you, pen down these things. And it will come as a surprise that the list keeps growing – and a happiness-inspiring object or event once noticed will remain in your conscious mind always after that. For instance, once I become aware of a pair of bluebirds that had made a home in the banks of the ditch across my balcony, I could not ignore them; and it soon became a routine to watch out for them. The leap of heart that followed each time I saw them come and go about their daily lives remains with me even after three decades of the event and serves as a mood elevator in times of despondency. But more about that later…….

We were at the point where making a list of things that touch you or make you happy or simply brighten your day begins with being a cumbersome, focused, high energy activity but becomes second nature with the passage of time. What does this achieve? Two things:

One – that you begin to see all that is right around you [and there is so much of that: health, family, enough money to live by, a job, a home, conveniences……each one of us will have some of these things, if not all, and then the seemingly meaningless things I listed earlier like the beautiful sunrise or chirping of birds at dawn or the unsullied green of budding leaves on a tree or the light breeze that caresses your cheek or the tune of a long forgotten but once loved song or a happy memory…….]

Two – that having begun the habit of noticing the good things around you makes you happy and grateful and brings a spring to your step. “My heart leaps up when I behold a rainbow in the sky.” It creates a positive mind set and makes you more receptive to change. And change after all is life: what goes up must come down and what goes down must come up.

The ability to be happy is the best tool granted to us to weather the bad times and moderate the good times. There are those that even this minute are going through crises of different sorts: life threatening disease, divorce, loss of a loved one, and the scores of evil that have hit us all in this economic downturn. Is it all right to be happy at such times?

Time they say is a great healer and the way this works is that Time puts a distance between us and the distressing event; this distance helps us develop the psyche to take things in the right perspective. That is how Time Heals; the pain remains but one learns how to handle it. The point to ponder is how does one behave in the interim period? Does it help to keep crying, to be negative, and to become a cynic and so on? Or is it better to let the bruised mind rest on these gentle aspects of nature and art and positive mindfulness and cultivate a mindset that embraces tolerance and forgiveness for self and others? Poets have often exhorted us to move on [3]:

“That though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight.

Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower.

We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind.”

And in the much celebrated “Daffodils” [4]:

I WANDER’D lonely as a cloud that floats on high o’er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd, a host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees, fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine and twinkle on the Milky Way,

They stretch’d in never-ending line along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance, tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:

A poet could not but be gay, in such a jocund company:

I gazed – and gazed – but little thought what wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie in vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills, and dances with the daffodils.

Now do you see what I am getting at with making that list? As you gather each pearl, the wealth that this creates within you will act as the bliss of solitude and a balm for troubled days and ship you across the stormy waters of life with serenity and poise. Each time the negatives pull, flashback to a happy image or happier times. You will feel the emotion rush with the same intensity; let the flood of serotonin wash away the negativity.

John Maxwell’s maxim that ‘Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it’ puts the ball, so to speak, squarely in our own court. We have to take responsibility for how we live life; things that are out of our control will happen all the time. But what tilts the scale is what we choose to make of these. Should we drown in them or should we keep afloat with hope till the tide turns?

In choosing the latter, the small things of life matter the most. The minutes or seconds spent in quiet and peace and feeling good will ‘…fill the present day with joy, and overspread the future years with hope.’ [5]

Cultivating the habit of noticing the things that are right with God’s world will change your thinking ®

                your words ®

your actions ®

your habits ®

your character ®

and then who knows, maybe your destiny?

Life as they say is the result of the choices we make…….choose to make the right choice…from today. Choose to be happy, no matter what; notice the li’l things and treasure them forever. Consciously develop an attitude of gratitude. Be Happy!!!

--  Neeta Seth

References:

1.       John Milton, Paradise Regained

2.       William Wordsworth

3.       William Wordsworth, Ode on Intimations of Immortality

4.       William Wordsworth (1804)

5.       William Wordsworth